Those are the words impressed on my heart this morning.
I wasn’t even expecting to hear that. I was just sitting out on my back porch with coffee and bible at hand. I had just finished Day 2 of a Bible study I just recently started. The lesson for today was taking a look at how Eve was deceived by Satan. It had nothing really to do with selfishness.
But as I closed the book and sat book to just look around my backyard and start to plan my day – that’s what I heard- “Your being selfish.”
I didn’t hear it audibly, but within my spirit. I’ve had this happen before. I know that when it does, it means it’s time for me to sit up and pay attention. Jesus told us that the Holy Spirit will guide us..
I also knew exactly what He meant. I didn’t have to pray about it, seek it out, or ask anyone if I had been selfish. The conviction was immediate and quick.
Lately I’ve allowed myself – not knowingly – to become selfish and these are the areas where it has been fleshed out..
- I’m tired of being a mom – picking up after everyone, not hearing thank you’s for simple things like dinner on the table every night or having clean clothes to wear.
- I’m tired of being a wife – needing to be the encourager, the helper,
- I need time by myself – let me ‘run away’ with a friend to a hotel for a few days, don’t call me mom for the next few hours, just let me go out to the store by myself…
This has been my thought process lately.
In a few days I’ll be flying back to MD to see a really good friend receive a big promotion and visit with family. I’ve been thinking how cool it’s going to be to travel BY MYSELF and just have ME TIME. To actually just be Mikki – not mom, not wife, just Mikki.
But this morning as I picked up my pen and began to journal the words that were being impressed on my heart, my thought process started to change.
My eyes were taken off of myself and returned to the cross. I was reminded of what selfLESSness is..
- It’s God Himself – leaving Heaven and taking on human flesh
- It’s God Himself becoming a SERVANT for His children
- It’s God humbling Himself to the point of death
My selflessness has no death consequences. No! My dying to self is filled with blessings!!
My selflessness looks like this:
- a happy marriage
- godly children
- beautiful friendships
Satan is a great deceiver. He creeps in when we’re not looking. When we’re comfortable and our guard is down.
Thank You Lord for loving me so tenderly and caring for me so deeply. Thank You for the Holy Spirit and for this Godly wisdom this morning.
Thank you for showing me, that when I see myself as Your servant, serving my family is a joy.
That when I do get time alone to refresh and renew – it’s a blessing and gift.
Not a place to ‘run away’ from things, but a time to find strength to continue.
May I find joy and love in serving my family as Christ does.