The other day I decided to finally let my princesses get their own facebook account. After during some research and checking it out, I figured it would be a fun way for them to keep in touch with their friends up north.
But if you know me.. they weren’t the FIRST ones in the family to get one. As they were signing up.. so was Mom. Now I don’t do it to snoop, or because I don’t trust them. Hey.. I totally trust my girls.. it’s some of those creepy people out there in World Wide Web world that I don’t trust.
In the process of signing up there is a place where it asks you where you went to High school. I didn’t think anything of it and just typed in the school I graduated from.
Well, within a couple days I was contacted by an old friend from this high school. Little did I know that when you type in the high schools name, someone can find at least your name and picture when compared to the high school’s name.
Now this wouldn’t be an issue for most people. But most people don’t have the ‘past’ I do when it comes to High school. Those years of my life are all smeared together in a mess of changes, rebellion, ugliness, selfishness, and just plain old junk I’d like to forget.
I went ahead and signed up with the ‘group’ on facebook for my High School reunion. It’s weird though. I have mixed feelings about it.
“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 1 Corinthians 15:7
But it’s still weird. As I scroll through the faces of those who I went to school with, I remember ‘stuff’. Good for some, bad for others, and so much regret.
These are people that I grew up with. Went to Elementary and Middle school with. But then when it came to High school, my mom knew I was bound for trouble so she hoped sending me to private school would help.
Poor thing.. it didn’t. But I love her for trying.
Then, circumstances being what they were, my senior year I went back to public school. The transition was weird. I’m not sure what they all thought of me. If they thought I had snubbed them or just because your young and strange at that age, they just didn’t understand why I left or came back.
So many times I have joked with friends now and said ‘if I ever went back I would want to stand up and scream.. ” I AM NOT THAT HORRIBLE PERSON ANYMORE “. But I know from just sitting and looking at the faces of these people, my memories of them flashback, so I’m sure their memories of me do too.
So I guess I’m at a place where I have to figure out if this is something I need to work through. Should I open myself up.. reunite with these people and let them see the AMAZING testimony of God’s grace in my life?
But then I think, what purpose would it be? I no longer live anywhere near most of them, and I’m really not at peace with opening myself up to the past like that. One on one is fine, but all at once.. I don’t know.
My faith is STRONG! There’s not much that catches me off guard that I can’t quickly say with confidence that MY GOD WILL GET ME THROUGH. My faith is one of my spiritual gifts. It’s my firm foundation on which I stand and wake up to each day.
I keep being drawn to this scripture and almost find peace in it’s instruction
Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back [to the things behind] is fit for the kingdom of God.”
I just need to figure out if looking back is such a great idea.. or if it will just make the path ahead get crooked and messed up.
My life verse-
“Therefore I tell you, her sins, many [as they are], are forgiven her–because she has loved much. But he who is forgiven little loves little.” Luke 7:47