It’s the first of the year and I should probably be sitting here thinking of ALL the ways I’m going to IMPROVE myself this year, but I’m not.
I’m sitting here waiting for our dinner to finish cooking ( which by the way – I buckled and actually used the turkey left overs I wouldn’t use ) and I’m thinking that I’m tired of being me.
If your thinking – what does she mean? let me explain.
I’m not depressed or mad or confused, I’m just tired of being me.
I’m tired of being the wife who is the glue who holds this family together. The one who cooks the dinner every night, does the laundry, pays the bills on time, and even smiles at her DH when he walks in the door and doesn’t even ask how was your day.
I’m tired of being the mom who has to have the answer for everything. What’s for dinner? What are we doing today? What’s the square root of 36? Why are friends so mean sometimes? Will you take us shopping?
I’m tired of being the friend who is expected to be there all the time. The one who does all the calling and inviting to things and rarely ever gets a call or invite herself. The one who listens, prays, and gives advice when asked. The one who apologies for not calling or being to busy, but hardly ever asked if there is anything in my life that needs prayer.
I’m just tired.
But I know it’s just a culmination of things. Staying up to late last night, eating way to many sweets the past couple days/weeks, and not being on my knees enough.
I know in Proverbs it says..
My God is here with me. He’s walking with me through this.
He’s actually probably having a good laugh at my pity party and looking forward to when I snap out it. I am too. I don’t like being in moods like this.
But again, this isn’t a depressing or sad kind of thing. Just a TIRED kind of thing.
Tonight, before I lay down to sleep, I will lay all of these things down at the foot of the cross, knowing that tomorrow will be different.
Because I won’t be tired anymore. I will be thankful for my husband, extremely blessed with my children, and forever grateful for the wonderful friends in my life.